I'm not emo, I swear
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Stefan's LiveJournal:
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| Sunday, August 28th, 2005 | | 3:45 am |
apparently liz reads this thing so i'm gonna say right here that i think liz is AWESOME | | Tuesday, June 14th, 2005 | | 2:53 pm |
| | 12:44 pm |
Entry
Manda told me to post this so I am cause I listen to Manda  | | Tuesday, June 7th, 2005 | | 12:09 am |
Found myself
And now the healing can begin Current Mood:  indescribable | | Monday, May 23rd, 2005 | | 12:41 am |
yay quiz
Your Linguistic Profile:
|
45% General American English |
40% Yankee |
15% Dixie |
0% Midwestern |
0% Upper Midwestern | | | Saturday, May 21st, 2005 | | 4:02 am |
Guess who can't sleep and has no one to talk to
So if i care soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much why didn't i do anything about it? What am i supposed to do with myself? i'm never going to be satisfied with myself now. nothing i do is going to "make things better". As much as everyone says i should i know i'm not just gonna get over this. I'm not gonna just wake up one morning and not feel hurt or feel like i'm not missing something. I'm not gonna wake up and everything is going to be fine. I've felt this way day in and day out for almost a full 5 months. I feel like i care to much cause i know my sentiment isn't shared and i'm not sure that it wasn't ever i'm sure it was once i'm just to much of a nieve idiot to notice stuff like that. I don't wanna screw things up now because i know stuff is gonna be fine forever. Thats the problem with hindsight you can see exactly where you made the mistake and you can know exactly how you could have made things better. You even know exactly what you could have said. But thats the problem the chance has already passed and as much as my friends try and get me to hope i'd get the chance again i really don't think its going to happen. Its like manda said it looks like i just missed my shot if i had a chance its gone now. and to answer my icon's question. Yes i was happy onceHow much you wanna bet i'll regret this tomorrow? | | Sunday, May 1st, 2005 | | 11:25 pm |
I think another piece of my soul tour off and died... Current Mood:  crushedCurrent Music: Siberian Kiss - Glassjaw | | Friday, April 29th, 2005 | | 12:37 am |
| | Sunday, April 24th, 2005 | | 3:32 am |
| | Saturday, April 16th, 2005 | | 3:01 am |
I need to talk to someone but I have no one to call this late at night. I feel like going on a killing spree. Or smashing things. I've almost put my fist through my monitor like 5 times or almost thrown my mouse at the wall. I just want to destroy things. You tear my soul to shreds. Kill me, don't you agree it would be a wonderful way to end me? ignore this | | 2:15 am |
I don't need real entries! The lyrics do the talking for me
"I'm in a car underwater with time to kill, thinking back I forgot to tell you this
I didn't care that you left and abandoned me, what hurts more is I would still die for you.
Leave it up to me. to burden you again.
This ones not your fault. Please forgive me.
Leave it up to me. to burden you again.
This ones not your fault. so forget, so forget, so forget me.
Don't think back, don't think back of me at all.
just let me go.
don't think back, don't think back of me at all.
just let me go.
don't think back, don't think back of me at all.
Don't think back, don't think back of me at all.
Don't think back, don't think back of me at all."When this is all over will you still hate love me as much as you do now? Someday things will be normal again. I'll take my heart back I fell to late Current Mood:  numbCurrent Music: Car Underwater by Armor For Sleep | | Sunday, April 10th, 2005 | | 7:56 pm |
More song lyrics?
"It started out with a kiss How did it end up like this It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss Now I’m falling asleep And she’s calling a cab While he’s having a smoke And she’s taking a drag Now they’re going to bed And my stomach is sick And it’s all in my head But she’s touching his—chest Now, he takes off her dress Now, let me go I just can’t look its killing me And taking control Jealousy, turning saints into the sea Swimming through sick lullabies Choking on your alibis But it’s just the price I pay Destiny is calling me" Current Mood:  I'm getting better! kinda...Current Music: Mr. Brightside - The Killers | | Friday, April 8th, 2005 | | 3:14 pm |
OMG YAY?
Uh for those who care I got my permit again...yeah, I should probably actually learn to drive this time... | | Sunday, April 3rd, 2005 | | 3:30 am |
Troubles
I always have trouble getting over certain things. As much as i'd like to get over them and I try to distract myself with other things the feeling never goes away. I wish I could magically just be ok with things. I mean I wanna be ok with things...but its going on 4 months of feeling this way. Its all jealousy, regret, loneliness, disappointment, and wishing things could just be the way things were back then...the last time I felt like this it went on for 2 years...then she seemed to fix things, now they are broken worse than they were before... Will I ever be ok again? "Remember your hazel eyes And beautiful smile Straight from the mouth And I can't sleep tonight My lost love grinds and I spin in time" - Northstar Current Mood:  lonelyCurrent Music: Blind Crush by Northstar | | Saturday, April 2nd, 2005 | | 4:07 am |
Messages
I wonder how many people know ALL my away messages mean something significant. Except for the obviously silly ones. I wonder how many people know the message behind them? | | Tuesday, March 29th, 2005 | | 12:58 am |
If you get the chance to, wipe that glare off your face French kiss my fingerprints and heave it in an alleyway Defenseless yet so violent princess of divine Your ugliness arrived on time And I know I never was beautiful enough for you The scars on my back turn my fingers blue So take down my pictures, it's better that way That way I'm still seeing you never I needed you tonight but I just couldn't wait I was loaded and the hammer was ready I'm just not that brave... I'm just not that brave... | | Sunday, March 27th, 2005 | | 11:37 am |
Are you done with my heart? Cause i'd like it back in the near future. | | Friday, March 25th, 2005 | | 1:21 am |
Is it over?
What do you do when all your friends agree with you that you made the biggest mistake of your life last summer? I should learn to read between the lines... Did last summer really mean more to you than it did you me? "So now I've blown it once again, this would have been the last offense and You should have been here months ago with open arms and honest face Addres full doubt you've ever felt frustration well I'm choking on it now" "Farewell to all the days you were, within my reach, and as of right now everything is making perfect sense." Current Music: I'm The Best At Ruining My Life - From Autumn To Ashes | | Sunday, March 6th, 2005 | | 6:28 pm |
| | Tuesday, March 1st, 2005 | | 2:37 am |
Its funny...life is like a seesaw. It seems like when one part of my life seems to be stabilizing and becoming slightly more normal again then something else somewhere else gets screwed up. I really hope this doesn't cause them to fight. I don't want them all fighting. I don't want her to get hurt, that in fact is what i care about most of all. I don't want her to get hurt. I don't want the rumors to be true. I want her to be happy forever. I used to want something like this, but now that i'm finally ok with them and know that she's happy something like that does in fact happen. Life is horrible like that sometimes. He better not have done this to her...if he did he's as good as dead... If rumor != true then things are fine If rumor == true then his heart is mine Current Mood:  stressedCurrent Music: Moneen-How To Live With The Thought That Sometimes Life Ends |
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